Feeling a little lost and lonely in NJ…

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So today I had some time by myself.  I was exploring Jersey City, thinking about places I wanted to write about on this blog.  I was sitting in a cafe and all of a sudden I was like, where the fuck am I.  Who cares about this cafe.  Who is ever going to read this blog.  Where am I living and how did I end up in New Jersey.  It’s like sometimes when I’m out here I feel lost and really disconnected to where I live.  It doesn’t feel like home to me.

I was also thinking about this experience from the perspective of being a parent.  Here I was, free and sans kids (something I dream about), and I was anxious.  Like, is part of hating it here and missing the city and being inspired and excited by my surroundings mixed up with missing my pre-kids life.  Yes.  But some of it is no.  Like why is it so hard to find good food.  Hence ihatenj.

Anyway, I started walking.  Wandering past brownstones.  Old, beautiful brownstones.  I had a good, healthy dose of real estate envy and thinking about what my life would be if I lived in one.  It felt like I was back in Brooklyn (again, the no kids thing) walking and thinking.  I sat in a city park (Van Vorst Park) – perfectly complete with a weird, creepy guy reading a book titled HITLER.  I walked over to WORD, a great bookstore from Greenpoint, BK.  It felt great and I started to feel “normal”.

So as this blog is about the new normal, changing lives, changing locations – I thought I’d share it here.  I’d also love this to turn into a conversation/exploration of other people’s experiences feeling lost or feeling good or feeling conflicted or whatever.  I don’t know exactly how to do that (also from a technological perspective – HOW DO I BLOG I’M SO CONFUSED I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CHANGE THE FONT) so if you want to share or you have some techie suggestions I have an email ihatenjblog@gmail.com .

Ciao, Lauren xx

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