Feelings Friday.


I love young Meg Ryan so much.  I love this movie.  So so great.

I feel like, on this Feelings Friday,  I need to explain a little bit more about myself on here.  I’m hesitant to disclose a lot of myself on this blog.  I mean, I’ll totally talk about my feelings/wants/insecurities/whatever.  But, I’m not comfortable (yet?) saying my name, showing my picture.  You see, I am a psychotherapist.  And due to the NJ Transit crap, I put the job on hold.  And in the meantime started writing here.

And I’m really enjoying writing this blog.  I feel myself light up going around and talking to people.  But I guess I’m also struggling with my identity a bit right now.  Like if I’m enjoying this, how can I integrate this ‘job’ into my ‘real’ career.  Or the big issue of self-disclosure in psychotherapy, how people shouldn’t really know much about you.  ”The doctor should be opaque to his patients,” Freud wrote in 1912, ”and, like a mirror, should show them nothing but what is shown to him.”  While I think this is outdated, there is a part of me that understands it.  Or the modern dilemma, like the first thing they teach you in grad school, how to not be searchable online.  How to hide on social media.  And here I am ihatenj’ing all over Instagram and the internet.  I guess I’m trying to figure out who I want to be on here and in life.  Like can I be a person other than a psychotherapist and connect with people in differing ways.  How do I do that and still be a good therapist.

A friend of mine is in a punk band and is a therapist.  He is all over that world wide web sweaty and hanging from the rafters with his shirt off.  And I know many therapists are artists and poets and/or have had past careers.  Or politics!  In times like these, people have to be political – so what does that mean to be open and out.  I know all this.  People and life are complicated and should be.  I’m just figuring out my comfort levels with it all.  Especially in a public forum.

I think this is something many people are going through in different ways.  How can I work, have interests, do more than one thing, be more than one person.  Be a parent and have a career and have meaningful pursuits that you can take seriously.  (I’m not even getting into the guilt that parents feel/are supposed to experience when they time away from kids other than for paid work).  Anyway, all this identity stuff – it can come up in so many ways.

I’m trying to figure it out.  What feels good.  I keep also thinking of my spiritual interests and how to reconcile those with my clinical practice.  How can I create connections and help people on more than one level.  For some reason, this is all feeling important right now.  Again, identity.

So, for this Feelings Friday, here’s to the journey.  To becoming more integrated.  To taking all parts of our selves more seriously.  And to being open.  And seeing what becomes of ourselves.

Lauren xx

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