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photo c/o @emotionalclub

This FEELINGS FRIDAY I find myself contemplative but peaceful.  I saw Zadie Smith speak last night – ummmm so so so good, forget about good for NJ (more on that later) but she spoke to some points that really resonated with me and got me thinking about where I’m at right now.

Here are some Zadie gems (paraphrased) from last night.

  1. Zadie: The people I like best are people who aren’t selling anything, selling themselves.  People I like most are people who remain open without judgement.

This really struck me, as it’s been something that I’ve been thinking about since starting ihatenj.  I’m not selling anything.  I’m uncomfortable with the idea of commercializing myself.  I feel weird about being the product.  At some point, I felt myself get a little sucked into how many followers, responses, etc..  But as my friend Sara advised, “Write this blog like it’s a 90s zine as if no one is ever going to see it”.  And that’s been super helpful and amazing.

Oh and the part about remaining open without judgement.  This is HUGE for me.  Maybe what I like about people, and myself, the most.  Life is hard enough.  It’s so easy to be critical, especially when unhappy.  And this completely relates to the next Zadie quote…

2. Zadie: When you come with your ideas ready, you don’t see what’s in front of you.

It’s all about being open.  Learning about other people and not coming with a set of expectations, of right and wrong.  We are all different, and that’s what beautiful.  And when I’ve been in a place where I can be open and accepting, I’ve grown and transformed in ways that I really like.

3. I don’t remember her wording with this one at all… but she spoke to the idea of it being ok with being wrong and just being in a space of ‘I don’t know’.

This is a life lesson I’ve learned fairly recently.  It’s been freeing.  And I don’t need to have an answer just because someone else wants me to.  It’s felt great to say ‘I don’t know’.  I’ve grown to accept that I can feel 2 conflicting things simultaneously.  And I’ve even loved saying, “I’m wrong”.

Happy Friday.  Keep feelin’ all the feels.

Lauren xx

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