[First, can we all acknowledge Winona’s feeling ALL the feelings at last years globes. It was a highlight for me. Feel it girl!]
Anyway…. I haven’t been posting as much here.
Writing ihatenj has felt so good in so many ways. I’ve loved just putting myself out there more. Accepting that I can have another public identity other than as a psychotherapist. I love visiting new places and talking to new people. It’s even made me less frustrated with some of my ihatenj feelings. All of that has been deeply fulfilling.
But something happened a few weeks ago. Where I felt such resistance to even opening the computer. Like I didn’t want to see technology. I didn’t want to express myself. I didn’t want to talk.
And then the guilt. Cause I really have things I had intended to talk to. I have a list of places I’ve visited, pictures I’ve taken, thoughts I’ve had – all that I wanted to write about. But I just couldn’t. It was feeling like pressure rather than joy. I just wanted to enjoy my weekend with my family at a cousin’s wedding and not think about having to post.
I’m now sorta coming out of that space. And with that, I had a huge realization. I am not a blogger. I don’t want to be a blogger. But I do find this a creative outlet. I do love finding community (and thank you to all of you who have reached out saying you’ve had similar feelings, etc..). It takes a village people, so wherever you are, feeling alone, find your tribe.
Anyway, this is the opposite of a goodbye rant. I think I just needed to go thru a moment and detach. I am now feeling inspired and excited. Back feeling all ihatenj. But, this is not a blog, okay. I am not a blogger.